1
00:00:01,627 --> 00:00:08,342
It seems that everything there is today
It's violence in movies and sex on TV.

2
00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:11,428
Where have the old values gone?

3
00:00:11,803 --> 00:00:14,640
What did we used to have?

4
00:00:15,057 --> 00:00:17,851
Luckily there is a father of the family

5
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:21,313
Luckily there is a man
Which certainly can do

6
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,190
Everything that makes us

7
00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:24,942
laugh and cry

8
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:29,488
He is a family man

9
00:00:34,785 --> 00:00:37,329
Hey, Stewie,
How about daddy teach you how to swim?

10
00:00:37,829 --> 00:00:40,374
Get out, fat man.

11
00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:43,794
But what are you about? No is no.

12
00:00:43,961 --> 00:00:45,128
Well, let's go there.

13
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:50,759
-Come on, Stewie. To the pool.
-No. I don't want to die.

14
00:00:50,843 --> 00:00:53,595
I want to live. Live.

15
00:00:53,679 --> 00:00:56,682
Let it go, Peter. He will never learn that way.

16
00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,725
this summer
I should teach swimming lessons.

17
00:00:58,809 --> 00:00:59,810
Would you like that, Stewie?

18
00:01:00,519 --> 00:01:03,647
Well it can't be worse
than the summer I spent in India.

19
00:01:03,981 --> 00:01:06,066
Whatever you do, Stopper,
don't touch anything.

20
00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:08,610
Okay, Dr. Jones, I'm not touching anything.

21
00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:12,197
Indy!

22
00:01:12,281 --> 00:01:14,783
She's just here
because he fucks the director.

23
00:01:14,867 --> 00:01:16,451
LUSTER VIDEO

24
00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:20,831
And this?
What happened to Sal's video store?

25
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:22,416
We bought them two weeks ago.

26
00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:25,627
Welcome to Sinlustre Video.
Fifty thousand branches.

27
00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:28,755
Well, I came to Sal's
once or twice a week

28
00:01:28,839 --> 00:01:33,218
to rent movies from his back room.
You understand me?

29
00:01:33,302 --> 00:01:36,722
An adults-only room. Do you get it?

30
00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:40,976
Where are the X movies

31
00:01:41,059 --> 00:01:44,062
with naked people
who fornicates in front of the camera. Do you get it already?

32
00:01:44,146 --> 00:01:46,940
Sorry, but Sinlustre Video
has a strong moral stance

33
00:01:47,024 --> 00:01:49,651
against pornography,
liberalism and non-Christians.

34
00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:51,570
Yeah? And The Prince of Tides?

35
00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:54,364
-Barbra Streisand is Jewish.
-We edited some movies.

36
00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:58,493
-I'm in love with you, doctor.
-No, Tom, you're wrong.

37
00:01:58,577 --> 00:02:00,746
You don't want me,
but what I represent.

38
00:02:00,913 --> 00:02:01,914
Hello. I'm Tom Tucker.

39
00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:05,250
Do me a favor and fill this bag
with a sample of films

40
00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:07,753
where lesbians go out
or sex with amputees.

41
00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:10,506
Save your money, Tucker.
There is no porn here.

42
00:02:10,589 --> 00:02:13,926
They think it is immoral.
The truth is that it touches my balls.

43
00:02:14,009 --> 00:02:17,679
Where in the Bible does it say
that a man cannot masturbate

44
00:02:17,763 --> 00:02:19,598
in the privacy of your neighbor's living room

45
00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:22,392
while he works
Why don't I have a DVD player?

46
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:25,437
I don't know where it says it.
The Bible is too long to read.

47
00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:27,356
Wow, what a sermon.

48
00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:30,526
We are looking for a common man
to rant about meaningless topics

49
00:02:30,609 --> 00:02:32,861
and replace the segment
from "The Middle East."

50
00:02:33,195 --> 00:02:34,530
I would be great at it.

51
00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:38,408
I'm dying to get back to television
since I stopped presenting that contest.

52
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:42,454
How are you, Betsy? Welcome to the program.
You are a lovely young woman.

53
00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:46,583
Let's see, let me put my hand on you
and touch them a little.

54
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:49,878
We are looking for something to buy
in a shopping center. Three seconds.

55
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,506
QUAHOG COMMUNITY POOL

56
00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:59,805
Come on, Stewie. Don't be afraid.
It's just water. Doesn't bite.

57
00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:02,224
Be quiet. I know he doesn't bite, idiot.

58
00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:04,101
What nonsense.

59
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,520
You're drowning in it, idiot.
It doesn't have to bite you.

60
00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:09,022
Hey, little guy, look at Brad.

61
00:03:09,106 --> 00:03:11,316
He is my best student.
Do you see how brave he is?

62
00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:14,945
He is not brave. Brave is Gandhi.

63
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:18,115
And Americans say, "Hey, bitch."

64
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:22,035
And we Indians don't call that
to women.

65
00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:23,954
You're a pain.

66
00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:32,171
Is it the pool water that makes you
be a crybaby or is it all water?

67
00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:34,715
Mom, Brian asks me
if it is the pool water

68
00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:37,217
what makes me cry
or if it's all the water.

69
00:03:37,301 --> 00:03:40,637
They say that Olympic swimmers
they shave their heads

70
00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:43,432
and its private parts
to swim faster.

71
00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:45,434
I don't need stupid tricks, okay?

72
00:03:45,601 --> 00:03:46,685
THE MECHANICS OF SWIMMING

73
00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:50,397
When I get better, I'll beat Brad
as easily as the other boy.

74
00:03:50,606 --> 00:03:52,191
Casper, back.

75
00:03:56,028 --> 00:03:57,988
Sorry, man. Are you dead?

76
00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:01,491
It doesn't matter. I was thinking of committing suicide on Tuesday.
anyway.

77
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,494
Peter, shouldn't you get ready
for your news segment?

78
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:07,748
Yes. Although I'm a little nervous.
I don't know what to talk about.

79
00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:11,418
-You could talk about me.
-Okay, honey, I'll talk about you.

80
00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:15,005
"Hi, I'm Meg.
I'm going to school. "I wear glasses."

81
00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:20,844
Perfect.

82
00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:26,600
Changing the subject, after several days
of terrifying uncertainty,

83
00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:28,018
I finally got my period.

84
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,479
Diane, you and your brother
you must be devastated

85
00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:33,315
for the loss
of a possible two-headed offspring.

86
00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:37,569
Next, Peter Griffin
with "Do you know what's in my balls?"

87
00:04:37,653 --> 00:04:40,280
Thanks, Tom.
Do you know what touches my balls?

88
00:04:40,364 --> 00:04:43,992
That no one has thought of a joke
of a priest and a rabbi in 30 years.

89
00:04:44,076 --> 00:04:48,455
Well then. A priest and a rabbi
They enter the supermarket.

90
00:04:48,539 --> 00:04:50,582
The priest wants to buy a ham,

91
00:04:50,666 --> 00:04:53,252
and the rabbi says:
"I can't eat it. It's forbidden.

92
00:04:53,335 --> 00:04:54,920
"I couldn't. "We can't."

93
00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:58,298
Pigs are like superheroes
for them. Is it perfect? No,

94
00:04:58,382 --> 00:05:00,300
But I don't see anyone thinking of anything.

95
00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:02,928
And that's what touches my balls. Tom?

96
00:05:05,264 --> 00:05:08,058
-Come on. Are you going to take long?
-I'm brushing my teeth.

97
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:11,311
But if you only have two.
How much do you...? Oh, mother.

98
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:12,771
Hello.

99
00:05:17,192 --> 00:05:21,989
-Are you plucking some hair?
-Yeah.

100
00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:28,370
Hey, you can tell me no,
But would you shave my hair?

101
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:37,713
No. Don't even dream about it.

102
00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:41,967
The mother who brought you.

103
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,096
There's no reason to be so uptight.

104
00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:51,351
Well, let's do
our first race.

105
00:05:51,435 --> 00:05:52,519
When I blow the whistle,

106
00:05:52,603 --> 00:05:55,272
I want the parents
throw your children in the pool.

107
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,441
If your child does not emerge immediately,

108
00:05:57,524 --> 00:06:00,527
I'm sure he just wants
draw attention. Ready?

109
00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:03,113
-Good luck, Stewie.
-"Good luck, Stewie."

110
00:06:03,197 --> 00:06:05,199
That's you. That's how you talk.

111
00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:10,412
You'll find out, Brad. Shit.

112
00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:17,836
A band-aid!

113
00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:19,880
Calm down, darling.

114
00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:28,805
Very good, Brad.

115
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:31,475
-How cute.
-It's much better than my children.

116
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:33,685
LIFEGUARD

117
00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:37,397
Do you think you can make me stay
like a fool, wretch?

118
00:06:37,481 --> 00:06:38,815
Well you're going to find out.

119
00:06:40,359 --> 00:06:44,238
Brad? I have a piece of marzipan for you.

120
00:06:49,618 --> 00:06:50,619
What the hell is going on?

121
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,887
WELCOME TO HELL

122
00:07:08,971 --> 00:07:11,765
Hell? It's a bit of an exaggeration, isn't it?

123
00:07:11,849 --> 00:07:14,893
I have spent my life trying to kill
to my mother, but who doesn't?

124
00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:17,855
Well, to be hell,
It's not that bad either.

125
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,982
-Hello. I'm Steve Allen.
-Hello.

126
00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:21,066
Well, come on.

127
00:07:25,529 --> 00:07:31,368
-I'm alive.
-My child. I thought I lost you.

128
00:07:33,579 --> 00:07:36,748
I don't believe it.
I thought I lived in hell,

129
00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:39,126
but this gets much worse.
It's a sign.

130
00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:44,173
Starting today, Stewart Gilligan Griffin
He will be a good boy.

131
00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:47,050
I don't understand.
I just wanted him to fix my neck.

132
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,179
I wonder what they're playing on TV here.

133
00:07:50,262 --> 00:07:53,557
There is a time to love
And a time to live

134
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,851
Take a risk and face the truth

135
00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:08,155
Hello, Brian. A beautiful day, right?

136
00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:10,449
The type of day
that makes you happy to be alive.

137
00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:13,118
-I have made dulce de leche.
-Okay.

138
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:19,416
Can I know what you do?

139
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:23,212
From what I see,
You have been suffering from stress for years.

140
00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:25,088
The thing is, when I died,

141
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:28,634
I could see where I was going
and, well, I didn't like it one bit.

142
00:08:28,717 --> 00:08:31,595
This bothers me greatly.

143
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:35,807
So I have decided to change
Because now I know who I want to be.

144
00:08:36,517 --> 00:08:42,940
I trust in the sunlight
I trust the rain

145
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:46,068
I trust that spring will return

146
00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:49,238
Also, as you see, I have confidence in myself

147
00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:52,157
Here you go. Drink plenty of water.

148
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,785
-Hey, Brian.
-Yeah?

149
00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:56,912
Thanks for listening to me.

150
00:08:57,621 --> 00:09:00,624
That has been more disconcerting.
than the drawings from the other day.

151
00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:08,924
Silence. I'm hunting rabbits.

152
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,844
What's new, doc?

153
00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:17,224
Oh, God!

154
00:09:33,574 --> 00:09:35,659
Shut up. Your father is going out.

155
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:39,079
Do you know what touches my balls?
This Lindsay Lohan.

156
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,999
Lindsay Lohan in all those little outfits.

157
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:46,044
Jumping across the stage,
half naked with your little outfits.

158
00:09:46,128 --> 00:09:50,507
You are jumping up there
and I'm sitting here with my beer.

159
00:09:50,883 --> 00:09:54,136
What I do? What do you want me to do?

160
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:56,346
Are we going out?
Is that what you're trying to...?

161
00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:58,307
Why do you jump around

162
00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:01,226
and you do those things to provoke me?

163
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:04,938
What do you want, Lindsay?
Tell me what you want.

164
00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:07,691
I'll tell you what you want.
You don't want anything.

165
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,568
You don't want anything, okay?

166
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:13,780
Because we all know that no woman
He wants to have relations with anyone.

167
00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:18,410
And get excited with any other idea
It is simply false.

168
00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:22,122
You are absolutely right.
Women are provocateurs.

169
00:10:22,206 --> 00:10:26,627
-That's why I returned to men.
-Okay, mom, thank you.

170
00:10:27,503 --> 00:10:28,712
See you later.

171
00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:30,881
Count, count.

172
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:34,843
Another thing that touches my balls
is not finding the droids I'm looking for.

173
00:10:34,927 --> 00:10:36,720
And to me. Why do they do that?

174
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,639
And that's what touches my balls.

175
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:41,099
-Out.
-Take the microphone away from me.

176
00:10:41,183 --> 00:10:43,310
-Very good, Mr. Griffin.
-Well done, Peter.

177
00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:45,312
-Magnificent.
-Fantastic.

178
00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:47,648
This job is even better
than the one I had

179
00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:50,275
providing night heat
to Lara Flynn Boyle.

180
00:10:51,068 --> 00:10:53,695
Thank you very much, Peter.
I was a little cold.

181
00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:57,157
No problem, Lara.
Take a rest.

182
00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:00,953
-Lara?
-Yeah?

183
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:05,123
-Is Dylan McDermott handsome in person?
-Yeah.

184
00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:07,709
Good.

185
00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:11,880
I feel ridiculous.

186
00:11:11,964 --> 00:11:14,132
Well, you don't fit here.

187
00:11:14,216 --> 00:11:15,217
Where are we going?

188
00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:19,346
There is an absolutely perfect spider web

189
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:22,516
in the Cleveland garden,
and you have to see it.

190
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:23,600
Don't hump me.

191
00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:25,644
-Hey, Brian.
-That?

192
00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:27,771
-Knock, knock.
-Go ahead.

193
00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:29,773
-Knock, knock.
-Who is it?

194
00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:32,901
Your friend, Stewie,
and will always support you.

195
00:11:35,821 --> 00:11:39,449
-Yes, table for two.
-I'm sorry. There is a 45 minute wait.

196
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:42,077
What a shame, honey,

197
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:47,207
because I know what to wait in line
in a restaurant "it's your balls."

198
00:11:47,291 --> 00:11:49,293
My mother. It's you.

199
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:52,713
I loved what you said about bread
It is square and the mortadella is round.

200
00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:54,590
There just became a free table.

201
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:58,510
-Hey, we're waiting.
-It's Michael Moore.

202
00:11:59,553 --> 00:12:02,306
-Mr. Tucker, we need your table.
-But I have already asked.

203
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:05,434
We have a reservation for you. Here.

204
00:12:06,435 --> 00:12:08,478
-Griffin.
-Diane.

205
00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:11,648
I don't believe we have a table
in the best restaurant in town

206
00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:13,567
without reservation.

207
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,152
We are getting out.

208
00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:17,863
I would love to see
What are those reserved rooms like?

209
00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:24,119
This is totally unacceptable.

210
00:12:24,203 --> 00:12:26,580
Is it going to take long?
I'm very hungry.

211
00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:33,295
Hey, B, Rupert and I were going to dinner...

212
00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:36,256
-Sorry. Did you just call me B?
-Yes, B.

213
00:12:36,340 --> 00:12:39,718
Rupert and I were going to have this mixture for dinner
of plasticine and carpet hair.

214
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:41,136
-Do you feel like it?
-No, thanks.

215
00:12:41,220 --> 00:12:43,305
I thought you might be interested in seeing this.

216
00:12:43,764 --> 00:12:47,768
It's the most absolute spider web
and perfectly destroyed.

217
00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:49,269
Where is the spider?

218
00:12:49,353 --> 00:12:50,521
-Knock, knock.
-Who is it?

219
00:12:50,604 --> 00:12:52,272
-I ate it.
-Unfortunate.

220
00:12:52,356 --> 00:12:53,899
Who the fuck do you think you are?

221
00:12:55,317 --> 00:12:57,361
I knew it.
I knew you hadn't changed.

222
00:12:57,444 --> 00:13:00,531
Okay, I was pretending to be nice.
It's not the worst thing I've ever done.

223
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:02,616
WRIGLEY FIELD - CHICAGO CUBS
CUBS AGAINST MARLINS

224
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,661
Steve, it's coming straight to us. Take it.

225
00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:09,456
-I don't want to interfere.
-It has failed. What harm can it do?

226
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:14,002
I don't want to go to hell,
but I can't fight against my nature.

227
00:13:14,086 --> 00:13:16,171
-I'm hateful.
-You are not hateful,

228
00:13:16,255 --> 00:13:18,674
you just need to control your anger, like me.

229
00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:23,136
Do you mean being drunk all day?
One moment. Clear. That is.

230
00:13:23,220 --> 00:13:25,556
If I get drunk,
I will be calm and kind.

231
00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:26,974
If I'm kind, I won't go to hell.

232
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,476
Give me a whiskey.
I'm going to get a good load.

233
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:31,812
You can't drink. You are a baby.

234
00:13:31,895 --> 00:13:33,814
There are better ways
to solve their problems.

235
00:13:34,064 --> 00:13:35,482
I guess you're right.

236
00:13:35,566 --> 00:13:37,860
-Thank you, Brian. I have been weak.
-It doesn't matter.

237
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:46,034
My mother.
Do you know what time it is?

238
00:13:46,535 --> 00:13:47,995
From a sexy party.

239
00:14:10,184 --> 00:14:14,479
-Hey, Brian, I... What?
-I haven't said anything.

240
00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:18,442
I thought you interrupted me.
Don't interrupt me.

241
00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:22,029
-Are you OK?
-I'm as good as your face.

242
00:14:25,157 --> 00:14:28,076
I'm sorry, forgive me.

243
00:14:29,119 --> 00:14:32,247
Honey, what are you going to rant about today?

244
00:14:32,331 --> 00:14:34,708
-Can you tell us anything?
-Today is going to be cool, Lois.

245
00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:37,211
Parents who leave
Let your children do what they want.

246
00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:38,629
I hate it.

247
00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:41,590
Like when I try to enjoy my dinner
in a restaurant

248
00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:45,219
and there is the typical son of a bitch
who doesn't stop screaming.

249
00:14:45,302 --> 00:14:48,388
-Parents must control their children.
-Behold!

250
00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:52,559
I'm going to do something that you're going to freak out about.

251
00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:56,522
I'm going to jump
from this shelf to my high chair.

252
00:14:57,064 --> 00:15:01,109
I'm going to jump. Are you looking?
Yeah? Are you looking?

253
00:15:01,193 --> 00:15:03,529
Stewie, don't interrupt.
It touches my balls.

254
00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:05,781
He said it!

255
00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:11,036
You're going to miss it.

256
00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:12,246
You're going to miss it.

257
00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:20,003
Little mother. Have you seen it?
Have you...?

258
00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:22,506
Oh, mother. Look what a cut.

259
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,675
What a cut I got on my leg.

260
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:28,887
It's a deep cut, although it doesn't hurt.

261
00:15:28,971 --> 00:15:31,849
Time for your nap. Don't worry, Lois.
I carry it. Let's go.

262
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,853
God, why...? What the hell...?

263
00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:39,690
What are we doing here?
It's not good manners.

264
00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:41,441
-You're drunk.
-And you are sexy.

265
00:15:41,525 --> 00:15:45,112
You have to stop this. The drink is over.
I'm sorry I gave you the idea.

266
00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:49,116
But what's wrong with you?
I have never felt better.

267
00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:51,702
Well, now I've never felt better.

268
00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:59,042
Peter, tonight
Many people are going to see us.

269
00:15:59,126 --> 00:16:04,131
You better keep your balls.
I mean, do it right.

270
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:05,299
Take two.

271
00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:08,218
Peter, tonight
Many people are going to see us.

272
00:16:08,302 --> 00:16:12,848
-Don't screw up. Use take two.
-Don't worry, Tom. Everything will be fine.

273
00:16:13,682 --> 00:16:15,684
We leave in three, two...

274
00:16:15,893 --> 00:16:19,646
Then, "Do you know what I get
the balls?" with Peter Griffin.

275
00:16:19,730 --> 00:16:22,316
Thank you, Diane.
Do you know what touches my balls?

276
00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:23,400
Hey, you!

277
00:16:23,859 --> 00:16:26,069
Those x-ray glasses
that came in the comics.

278
00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:27,237
Fuck it!

279
00:16:27,404 --> 00:16:30,657
I saved a lot to buy them,
and when I finally bought them yesterday,

280
00:16:30,741 --> 00:16:32,784
I didn't see the inside
from my son's belly.

281
00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:40,375
I wanted to see
if he had eaten the last cookie

282
00:16:40,459 --> 00:16:41,752
because I told her that I loved her.

283
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:43,921
That really touches my balls.

284
00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:45,589
Listen to me. I'm trying to sabotage you.

285
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:46,882
I AM A RAPIST

286
00:16:48,091 --> 00:16:50,469
-Did you want to see me, sir?
-You're fired, Tom.

287
00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:52,971
Hand in your press pass and everything else.

288
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,144
The Drunken Clam

289
00:17:00,229 --> 00:17:02,814
-What are we doing here?
-Do you like being drunk?

290
00:17:02,898 --> 00:17:06,985
Good. I'm going to get you so drunk
that you will never want to drink again. Come on.

291
00:17:19,957 --> 00:17:22,793
Cold. It's very cold.

292
00:17:23,794 --> 00:17:26,296
-Thank you, Horace.
-Hey, is he 18 years old?

293
00:17:26,380 --> 00:17:28,090
Horace, the drinking age is 21.

294
00:17:29,591 --> 00:17:30,717
Okay.

295
00:17:32,344 --> 00:17:37,015
For the blacks.
Thanks for taking it all easy.

296
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:45,816
Because suicide doesn't hurt

297
00:17:46,275 --> 00:17:50,153
It brings many changes

298
00:17:50,529 --> 00:17:57,035
And I can take it or leave it if I please

299
00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:02,457
-Did you like it?
-My mother. Thanks, uncle.

300
00:18:04,835 --> 00:18:11,049
-I don't believe you kept them.
-Lois... Do you think Lois will like them?

301
00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:13,677
-You love Lois.
-Be quiet.

302
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:17,431
-Did you know? Give me the keys.
-I'm not well.

303
00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:20,475
-Give me the keys.
-I'm fine... I'm driving.

304
00:18:20,893 --> 00:18:23,145
-Give me the keys. You are very drunk.
-I'm fine.

305
00:18:23,228 --> 00:18:25,355
Peter, Meg, Brian, you're very...

306
00:18:25,439 --> 00:18:27,107
-What?
-Brian, you can't drive.

307
00:18:27,191 --> 00:18:31,945
Yes you're right. Take.

308
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,832
And with this we finish sports.

309
00:18:43,916 --> 00:18:46,919
Now, Ollie Williams
with the adopted pet of the week.

310
00:18:47,002 --> 00:18:48,754
-Who wants this dog?
-Thank you, Ollie.

311
00:18:48,837 --> 00:18:52,466
Next, Peter Griffin
with "Do you know what I get...?"

312
00:18:52,549 --> 00:18:55,219
Tom, what are you doing? You don't work here anymore.

313
00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:57,304
Diane, I have an exclusive.

314
00:18:57,387 --> 00:18:59,890
And I don't know how to see
my email from home.

315
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:02,726
-Have you checked the TCP/IP configuration?
-Yes, Ollie.

316
00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:04,102
-Are cookies activated?
-Yeah.

317
00:19:04,186 --> 00:19:06,104
-Do you want this dog?
-No. Inside video.

318
00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:08,899
This was the scene last night
in The Drunken Clam,

319
00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:13,111
when a car driven by a child
drunk caused thousands of dollars in damage.

320
00:19:13,362 --> 00:19:15,656
Put it on my account.

321
00:19:15,739 --> 00:19:20,244
It was like we were going in slow motion,
and I thought: "Whoa!"

322
00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:21,328
But I couldn't do anything.

323
00:19:21,411 --> 00:19:23,830
And who is the father of the child
of that car?

324
00:19:24,164 --> 00:19:27,459
Tom, I know. Tom, here. Tom.

325
00:19:27,918 --> 00:19:32,172
The man that everyone respects so much,
your beloved Peter Griffin.

326
00:19:32,256 --> 00:19:34,842
Thank goodness he didn't ask me.
I was going to say another one.

327
00:19:34,925 --> 00:19:39,221
Thanks, Tom. And now the negligent father
and Quahog's new social outcast,

328
00:19:39,304 --> 00:19:42,266
Peter Griffin with another segment
from "Touch my balls." Peter?

329
00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:44,977
Thank you, Diane.
Do you know what touches my balls?

330
00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:47,020
The people of the 19th century.

331
00:19:47,229 --> 00:19:49,731
Why doesn't it fit
to modern technology?

332
00:19:49,815 --> 00:19:53,694
It's called a car, folks.
It is much faster than a horse.

333
00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:57,573
Wow, looks like I've been fired.

334
00:19:57,781 --> 00:20:00,784
Since I no longer work here, I'll tell you something.

335
00:20:00,868 --> 00:20:04,162
Do you know what touches my balls?
You, America.

336
00:20:04,413 --> 00:20:06,582
What do you... Diane?

337
00:20:08,292 --> 00:20:09,710
Hey, Tom, get it.

338
00:20:18,927 --> 00:20:23,432
Have you missed dad?
No, calm down. You are shaking.

339
00:20:30,022 --> 00:20:31,273
Get out of here.

340
00:20:31,648 --> 00:20:35,068
-Are you on a hangover?
-I don't plan to drink again in my life.

341
00:20:35,152 --> 00:20:36,862
I hope you learned something.

342
00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:40,782
Without a doubt, Brian.
I keep looking for myself.

343
00:20:40,866 --> 00:20:42,534
For now, I have to accept

344
00:20:42,618 --> 00:20:45,495
I'm an angry child
who sometimes tries to burn down a house

345
00:20:45,579 --> 00:20:47,206
or throw a poisoned dart at his mother.

346
00:20:47,289 --> 00:20:50,667
I can't let a close experience
Death changed my life.

347
00:20:50,918 --> 00:20:53,003
I'm glad you noticed.

348
00:20:53,212 --> 00:20:55,380
-Are you going to be okay?
-Yeah. I'll be fine.

349
00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:57,966
I wish I could remember
where was i last night

350
00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:00,260
and who the hell is R.M.

351
00:21:03,931 --> 00:21:05,432
You have to do it right, Roger.

352
00:21:05,516 --> 00:21:08,852
You can't look desperate.
Wait three days. That's the rule.

353
00:21:10,354 --> 00:21:12,773
God. I want to talk to him now!

354
00:21:14,942 --> 00:21:16,068
Shit!

355
00:21:47,266 --> 00:21:49,268
Translation: Pilar Hernández